Have you ever seen the stars? Not one or two. Not the North Star or a dot in Orion’s belt. I’m talking about Pegasus, Leo, the constellations, the milky-way and the heavens. What did God create? Wind whistling in the trees, waves crashing on the beaches, the love song of the nightingale, the lark…

We don’t hear them often anymore. They are quite unusual. Like a Swiss who argues, or an Italian who doesn’t. We try to materialize them out of the pages of poems and good stories. We’ve drowned God’s music and no one cares. We are even proud of it.


A series of lights have been turned off. I’m standing at the edge of the darkness; almost toppling over. If I take one step closer to it, if I lose one more ‘good’ part of me, I’ll be transformed. Though in this particular instance, English allows me to use ‘disappear’ as my form will be a whole lot of nothingness. Losing the only thing that matters.  My social self. My humanity.

It is said that eyes sparkle, that eyes glow. Perhaps even glossy. Glossy Almond eyes. And in them, reassurance is found. Affirmation, comfort, happiness, hope, LOVE. I am afraid I’m much further than that than I could ever wish for. I recently found out that a whale’s vomit is worth much more than its weight in gold. And that, that, is an interesting fact right there! Totally mind blowing!

Only that I get to pop and blow on my own and that in itself voraciously scrambles away more than half the joy in it.

Perhaps you still don’t get me, you dot your i’s, cross your t’s and damn! Doesn’t that come ever so naturally to you!?


Ambergris is a fatty substance secreted in the intestines of sperm whales that hardens over time. The digestive juices of the sperm whale are powerful enough to break down squid beaks and fish bones until the glorious beast excretes the waxy mass into the ocean

The so-called whale vomit is so valuable that it compelled the Portuguese to take over the Maldives in the 16th century just so they could have access to the flourishing bounty of ambergris.

Based on historical data, Middle Easterners pulverize ambergris and ingest it to improve virility and strength, fight brain and heart illnesses as well as flavor their food and drinks. It helps to relieve colds, headaches and even epilepsy.

Ambrein, the chemical component of ambergris, is used in perfume because it helps enrich the olfactory notes and prolong the scent.

This here, happens to be of particular interest. A fragrance with a musky depth and a passionate animalic note. So warm on the top, honey like, a lustful bottomless pit.

An absolute marvel!

***I’s and t’s***

Flounderish is a gracious choice of words when I choose to describe my exquisitely flat relationship with people. Not that I intend for shallow friendships and relations but what I do, what I say, how I say it, how I react to things, what I like, what I watch, and generally just my being happens to be no colorful candy, of no major interest to anyone.

Of course you don’t have that. People don’t like you for being an impeccable cook, a great programmer a meticulous writer or even an excellent statistician. People just like you, for who you are! You are THE EXCEPTIONAL AMBERGRIS. People may not swallow your vomit to cure chronic illnesses but they are attracted to your aura. It’s so prevalent and a lot of people feel comfortable around you. They talk to you, trust you, share things with you, genuinely wish you the best and will turn up during your game without requesting them to, dressed in purple, entirely because purple is your favorite color and cheer your name the loudest and even if it goes south, they’ll rush to the field to get you, indulge you, make no-harm intended fun and drown you in ice cream. Just what you needed!

Not the ice cream, no.  Not even a much desired brain freeze. PEOPLE. Acquaintances, friends, family, colleagues. People you can rely on.

Babies are innocent beings, liberal from the burdening thought of who to be and things that should be done, aspects that are essential and those that deserve condemnation. Yet, in a room full of babies, you will naturally be biased as to which baby to stay with the longest. Your subconscious category determinant will either be gender, physical appearance, how they express themselves, whether they drool , whether they remind you of someone, how frequently they poop etc

Growing up, we get to grasp morality and socialism yet even that, is not enough to make us equally good. We bring out the same aspect differently or wrongly and hence our being lies majorly not in the knowledge of what should be done but our inherent inimitable subconscious selves. There are several category determinants for an adult and we may all be ambergris because well, each of us is special. But some are truckloads and like an enticing magnet, they pull a lot of people to their side. And some are a spoonful. A small social circle.

Sometimes, you are the one with the problem, and hence need for constant checking in with yourself. Sometimes, THERE IS NO PROBLEM, hence no need to change. You are being you and you is a spoonful of ambergris. A hard pill to swallow, yes, but you can always work toward bettering yourself, and being an improved version of yourself with a defined boundary for when you begin to cultivate in another’s piece of land. Acceptance, swallowing your spoonful and being content.

It may be harder for me to find friends being myself, people who genuinely want to hang out with me, but don’t feed me with that prevalent pride of introvertedness and lonesomeness bullshit because not having even a single person to share whale vomit with is nothing to be proud and loud about.

A person, people, they may not be everything, but they make up a huge chunk of what matters in life.


Author D_ottie

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