Campus Heartbreak

*Silicon Editorial – The following is an excerpt from one of my books. It has been reproduced with permission. All rights reserved.*

Brayo and Huddah, out of breath, are supporting themselves on their elbows on the bed and panting heavily. Huddah’s hand runs across Brayo’s muscular, glistening chest and, looking at him with a delighted twinkle in her eyes, says, “Tukiendelea hivi tutavunja bed.” She then lays back on the bed and lets out a satisfied sigh. “Unajua nilikuwa na class ya two by the way,” she says with a chuckle. “Ilikuwa ishabounce alafu last minute class rep akasema iko,” she adds. However, she does not seem to regret the fact that she has missed class. Not even a little.

Brayo himself is in a little world of ecstasy. Looking at Huddah, he sees an angel and at that moment, life could not be more perfect. He reaches out and cups her face with his left hand then gazes into her eyes. He has never seen eyes that are more beautiful. Huddah thinks to herself, ‘Here we go,’ and does a mental eye roll.

“You are very beautiful,” he says and before she can reply, he adds, “Nataka kukupeleka date. What does an ideal date look like to you?”

Huddah looks at him and is about to say something negative when Brayo stops her and says, “I’m serious. Try me. I know you’ve probably been taken out on every date there is but… give me a chance and I won’t disappoint.”

Huddah looks away from him and laughs a bit before saying, “You think I’m perfect, don’t you?” She turns to look at him and as he says “Yes,” she is convinced that it is impossible for him to be more honest. For a moment, his sincerity gets to her. She looks at his handsome face and attracted by it, her fingers find themselves touching it. She trails her index finger along his upper lip, where a mustache is just beginning to form. Her finger proceeds on to his strong jaw and she can’t help thinking that it is very manly. It then moves along to his sideburns, which are neatly trimmed and for some reason, very attractive.

She looks into his eyes and for a heavenly moment, he believes that what he desires is within reach.

But then her eyes grow sad and she turns away. Speaking with some pain, she says, “I’m not perfect.” She feels her eyes tearing and blinks rapidly to fight the tears. She takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out, after which she appears to have calmed herself. She then turns to Brayo and there is no trace of the vulnerability that was formerly on her face as she says, “You only think I’m perfect because I took your virginity away the other day and… unlike some people whose virginity is taken away, you enjoyed it.” 

Brayo seems confused and she continues, “You can’t date me. I don’t do relationships and boyfriends – I already told you that. I only have fun with boys. It never goes beyond that.”

Like a child who is told that he can’t go on the school trip with his classmates, he asks, “Why?”

For a moment, the vulnerability is back on her face but this time, she quickly overcomes it. She says, “I’m a mess. I’m fucked up.” Looking at Brayo, she sees that he does not believe her – that it is not within his power to believe her. Once again, the thought that she is perfect to him gets to her. She finds herself thinking that maybe, it is possible to find that elusive thing called love with this handsome face that is looking at her as if she is an angel. But in a moment, she forces herself to consider the truth: Sooner or later, the bubble will burst and she will stop being perfect to him. She will stop being lovable and her heart will break into a million pieces like it has broken before.

She can’t go through that again.

So she says, “Do you know that I seduced you?”

“Yes,” he says and adds with a smile, “and I’m very glad that you did.”

Facing away from him, she says, “No, you don’t understand. From the very beginning, I was seducing you. It was all a lie. Everything.” As she says this, she tries to ignore the pain in her heart. Gathering enough courage, she looks into his eyes and to her surprise, she finds that he is still looking at her as if she is perfect.

She gets angry. How dare he give her hope? How dare he tempt her to believe in the possibility of love yet he will stop loving her sooner or later? She decides to put an end to it and with a cruel smile, she says, “You thought that you approached me in the church, right? It was me all along. I was playing you like a guitar…” She stops to let out a laugh. After a moment, she continues, “Everything I did, from talking to Betty to pretending to remember that I had an assignment and cats due; it was all a lie. I am not an usher and I shouldn’t even be going to church. I should explode in flames when I get into a church because I am the worst sinner ever.”

She sees that she is getting to Brayo and, tempted by the possibility of inflicting pain on him, she continues, “Even the breakfast was a lie. Everything I did before we had sex was a manipulation.”

Seeing the confused look on Brayo’s face, part of her pities him. However, for daring to make her hope for love, she continues, “I fail in my cats and that is why I had to repeat Financial Accounting. I’m not book smart. But you wanted a girl who was and I became that girl. It was all a lie.”

By now, every emotion in her heart has been replaced by the need to inflict pain – as much pain as she feels. In a mocking voice, she says, “Do you know why I did it?” and lets out a short, malicious laugh.

“I didn’t do it because you were handsome… I’ve seen more handsome people.” As she looks into his eyes, she can feel a little piece of his heart break. “I didn’t do it because I found you attractive in any way,” she adds. After a pause, she gets closer to him. She has a cruel look in her eyes and, placing her hand on his cheek, she says, “I did it because you told me you are a Kisii and I wanted a taste of a big mjulus. You were only an object of pleasure for me, right from the beginning.”

Brayo is in a haze as he looks at her. He tries not to believe her words but it all somehow makes sense and he knows it’s the truth.

“Do you know the best part?” She says as she looks at him. To Brayo, her previously beautiful brown eyes are now black and she seems cold, as if she has no heart. He can’t help thinking that the devil must have such eyes. She grins maliciously and says, “The best part is that you fell for it. You were dumb enough to fall for it and yet you consider yourself intelligent.”

“And do you know what the worst part is?” She continues. “I enjoyed it. I enjoyed every second of it. I call it the hunt and I have developed a ten step process that can seduce anybody. You were not the first one… or the tenth one. I am not pretending to be fucked up… I am.” 

She then looks away and is enraged to find that there are still traces of hope in her heart. She waits for it all to sink in for Brayo and when she looks at him after a few moments, she finds herself looking for a trace of the love that had been there before. She does not find it.

In it’s place, she finds disgust and repulsion and it breaks her heart even more painfully than she had thought it would.

Not bothering to hide the tears this time, she says in a bitter voice, “That’s what I thought.” With a cold, murderous glare, she adds, “Get out.”

Moving around like a robot, Brayo dresses and leaves.

Long after he is gone, she cries her tears dry and only after she downs a bottle of beer does she find herself able to sleep.

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