Laugh, Live, and Love!
Take a deep breath. For a moment, forget all about your clumsy boyfriend. Forget about your ex. Refuse to think of how you miss him. Abstain from thoughts that have made you cry overnight. Forget of the cold night he left you hurdled to yourself, even after promising not to ever leave you alone. Forget of the pernicious texts he sent you the night you broke up. Keep yourself from reminiscing on the flamboyant kisses in the midst of the night, the day he took you out in a fancy hotel and confessed to loving you.
Remember not of the endless conversations, of the presumptuous demeanor of a future you both wanted. Forget the many broken promises he made, forget it all like it never happened. Forget about the dreams you had for the future. Intertwined by flourishing taste, of a magnificent couple. Stop envisioning yourself like the Obamas, stop comparing yourself to famous families. Did he promise you the best version of life? And the best proposal of all time? And a fancy marriage with the cliché of “happily ever after”? And babies of which two were to be twins? And he left like the villain in a scary movie? Oh, cry not, sister. Lest your wells run dry and you miss out on the flow of life.
But one day he went silent, he ghosted you huh? He went wild that weekend night you did not show up at his house. He eventually shouted at you, and called you names he had made you believe you did not deserve? He did not take time to let you explain, how sadly people change! Had he not promised to always give a listening ear? Man, he finally left, right? Because he thought Shanice had a brighter smile, and Kelly had bigger ‘assets’.
He left you weak, vulnerable, and heartbroken.
Breathe in again, uncuff yourself from the chains of a misguided sense of belonging, set yourself free from the painful confines of what you once were; give up introspecting on the ‘best couple’ and ‘soul mate’ phrases you had christened what used to be.
It is time to stop.
When she finally said yes, you were happy, right? You could now join the boys’ gang, they could now listen to you, right? You gave yourself out and proved to her that you were not a typical man, right? You did bend the traditions to compromise on culture’s definition of a man.
Aha, remember the commitment you gave? Remember the freedom you gave her, the laughter, the peace, and everything your world could ever offer? Then the kingdom you had created days and night fell apart in one night?
Forget of the nights she cried over the phone, forget of the way she cuddled you like her only baby; laid her head on your half-bony chest, and cried with a teary confession that she loved you. Forget of the romantic chats you had, of how you visited each other, of how you took photos over the weekend, of how you laughed at each other’s choice of movies.
Did she promise to stay with you through thick and thin? Did she promise to walk with you through the shadows of death like God promised humanity? Did she promise to be yours and yours alone through summer and winter? Did she look into your eyes, sober, and teary, and promise to mother your children?
The worst happened. She left, 7 years before your marriage as per the blueprint of your plans. She said you did not have a long, manly, and dark beard like Steve huh? She said your parents were ugly and could not take her for their daughter? No, that is complicated, I know. She said, you are too financially unstable. That your pockets were shallow, yes?
Oh, she wasn’t happy about your smooth Kitui-mango-like face that doesn’t have sideburns like Brayo’s. Plus, she had a dislike for your ‘big but not practical’ dreams. Right?
Stop wallowing in an ocean of sad memories, stop crying over spilled water. Stop knocking at the remains of a broken door, stop beating yourself up for the mistakes of the past, just stop with-holding what was meant to be let go of. Collect every broken piece of yourself.
Gather every one of your fibers, restructure your spirit back to life, and give yourself a deserved roar for surviving all that. Give yourself a cheerful smile, saliently keep in mind that every day of your life is virgin and guiltless, not worth tainting with your yesterday’s misfortunes.
Yeah, I am sorry bro.
Take a brief moment and breath.
You have been through a lot yet you have barely lived. You have let the hopes of one path of life scatter the diverse alternatives of living. You have let the sorrows from one person spoil the fun of living with a whole bunch of other humans. You have let love entrench you into a deep canyon of boredom. You got so blinded with empty promises that you can barely see just how wonderful you are, no matter what flaws you have.
Are you still there, begging, kneeling, and crying because she left you naked? Stop, and start clothing your life with the small gifts of life. Stop clinging to the notion that you can only find yourself in your soul mate. Wake up from your slumber and rediscover yourself. The stepping stones towards freeing yourself from a bondage you had locked yourself into, involve seeking the authentic version of yourself from within you.
Seeking oneself is not like poking purple balloons on a birthday party colored by best and close friends especially after losing yourself in the most unexpected ways. It is more of trying to gulp for breath when you are pushed inside a pool unawares. Learn to swim in the flow of what life brings!!
It is okay to cry it out. It is okay to ponder into the depths of am I incomplete?
Life is truly intriguing when you learn to seek in your deep self what you once thought you would only find in another person’s heart. The strongest version of ourselves is not a blending of ourselves with those we truly cherish, neither those with better skills than us. We need not have intimate connections to some humans to be fully complete. By all means, we are complete on our own.
How? Arise, wriggle off your past and shine into your future unapologetically. You are a wonderful piece of creation, let us enjoy the beauty of life together, alone.
Also by Alan Shadowrine, read