Short, Humorous, Campus Stories

1. Misfortunes of Nebu – Anthony Charles
I never knew why we always played karongorongo while hiding. I was the youngest in my playing company,so I was sent home when ‘parents’ went to sleep. All came to life when I came to campus.Coming to campus, I was quite unlucky to land a girlfriend. My fellow ‘wagithomo’ Naomi was my only friend who was female. One evening Naomi dropped by for supper. I was enthusiastic about this, so I prepared steamed and baked corn meal and minced inner meat for sapa(ugali and matumbo). When she arrived, I was nervous. I had heard stories of how to treat ladies when they came but this was my first time to host a lady. After a short conversation, I served her food. No sooner had we began to eat than the electricity tripped. Damn, the whole room was as dark as night. I thought to reach out to Naomi to know if she was okay. She shot up loudly screaming. Damn, I was terrified. She continued screaming and when I asked her what the problem was she just said, “mimi sitaki waganu.” Waganu???
By now I had my neighbors at my door, I told them that everything was okay, my landlord,Kingori, addressed the plot saying, “ni huyu kijana anapigisha mtoto wa wenyewe nduru. Tutaongea na yeye anunue woofer.” (This young man is making the companion scream. I will talk to him to purchase a woofer) From ‘waganu’ to woofer? How are they related?😕 Damn, majengo itanionyesho maneno.

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2. These Accidents Happen – Githinji

I still remember that evening many years ago when he lied to me that ataingiza kichwa tu after buying me Fanta.
“Hata sitaingiza,” he convinced me as I sipped the last of my warm Fanta. “Nitacheza tu hapo kwa mapaja.”
He had moved his plastic chair next to mine and inched close to me. He spoke soothingly in a low tone to butter me up. I was 18. We were in a local neighbourhood bar. He said he would marry me someday because I was his type of girl. I knew he was just shitting me but I still went with him to the seedy lodging upstairs which had no water, had a bed as narrow as a sofa, and curtains that barely covered the window, because he swore by his mother that he would only insert the head. And he did cheza kwa mapaja, until I felt not only the head, but also the entire length shoot inside like a warrior’s spear when he was about to finish. He said sorry, that it slipped inside by mistake. “These accidents happen,” he told me as he rolled off of me and started looking for his trousers.

3.Maembe Ya Makueni – Githinji

Mimi hulike ile love making gentle. she tells me.that kind which a finger line is passing across my back. OF COURSE with an expert lover as my guide. Those kisses .oh !how they end with him biting the left corner of my upper lips.I interrupt ,you don’t like a little tongue action ?phew !!choke!. I personally hate the French, where was I?? lizzy says oh ,I also like the beautiful words of nina simone serenading us .A little ass smacking, I don’t like to play it safe after all I like being a little crazy .not too much tho just a little pain to make it more interesting.
I tell her show me ,she tells me think of a mango ,this reminds me i learnt to kiss on mangoes. margo I named her .she was the sweetest maembe from kamba region .i think she from makueni .she was very light skin, the brightest i have ever laid my eyes on, she dripped hot c.. I mean sweetest juices whenever I picked through her .For those few minutes atleast she was . Margo and I lay there spent after I defloured her ..I mean we were trying to catch our breaths coz everything happened so first .One thing led to another. Now I’m on my mamas couch and she on the plate .
after all ilwa maembe tu ..

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