THE IRONY

Isn’t it ironical how home in its definition is a sanctuary, yet most persons prefer to be away from it? To be in school or with friends rather than to stay in the ‘sanctuary’ in the company of siblings, and parents.

Is it that parents are not working towards creating a harmonious loving homely environment or is it that kids desire much more liberty and say, than they ought to have? Could it that the environment at home does not allow for maximum productivity and that the mental activity, emotions and growth that one experiences outside the home perimeters are far much greater and are considered to have more value to our individual selves?

To a lot of people, home is not the actual home. Home is in a friend, or friends, or a home outside home, majorly owing to understanding and belonging. The feel that you are more at peace, that you are better understood, that you are more productive and can only fully be in your element and aura when you are away from your ‘sanctuary’.

In your own personal analysis, it could boil down to yourself, wishing to do things that are, in their absoluteness, not correct

Or it could boil down to your parents, not being open to challenge the status quo and having questionable logic in the things that they push for or that they disagree with.

Isn’t it also ironical how boys are seen as protectors in the community, yet girls are advised to not be alone with boys? To always have a woman close by because the woman is more likely to protect the girl and the company of protectors is more likely to strip the girl her of her dignity…

And isn’t it very much ironical, that we’ll pray to God for opportunities and when we bag them, we suddenly don’t have time for God any more. There’s suddenly too much to do and you don’t have time for Him.

We are very consistent in our sweet relationship with coffee despite it making us prone to headaches when we don’t consume it. Talk about toxicity!

You’ll be very good at something but the imposter syndrome will creep up so adamantly, and squeeze itself through your pores, very gleefully managing to rest in your 3 pound lump of cells inside your head, consequently making you not as productive as you would be if you had that push of self-belief.

Remember the days in primary where girls would fear holding hands with boys and boys would shy away from sitting between two girls, or even playing with them during P.E? Isn’t it ironical how at that particular moment, puberty was catching up and we were supposed to be doing exactly the opposite? Or were we just afraid of the “shame” that puberty comes with?

And when we began to gradually embrace puberty, we began to not report the ones who were oddly stealing kisses in class and by the staircase. And we adored the deep voices of men, the broad chests and shoulders, the curvaceous shape in girls, the muscularity in males, the long thick black connecting beard and oh, menstruation…uhm…”Well that’s shameful” …

Have you ever wondered why, in supermarkets they’ll wrap your pads in a newspaper before placing them in the shopping bag yet they won’t do that to underwear? Or if you happen to go shopping with some guy friends, they’ll feel uncomfortable standing by you as you pick the packet, or having it in the trolley or even the mere fact that you are buying pads while you are with them?

Oh, they expect you to make another trip back on your own and spare them discomfort. I see..

Or probably it’s just you. You’ve been raised in a society that has normalized and linked menstruation with embarrassment like it’s something that should happen in the dark. Something that the world shouldn’t know you are experiencing. That if you accidentally make a mess, the world will be very quick to ridicule, criticize and shame you.

The messy experience is, admittedly, a little bit embarrassing but should it bear the weight of utter destruction?

 By the way, were primary teachers really justified to beat or rather in their self-acclaimed sophistication, discipline those who fortunately or unfortunately had erotic relationships at that very young age? Were they intending to beat the emotions out of people?

I find the logic quite questionable.

The caning was successful, just not in the objective that it had, but in pushing for secrecy.

The same way kids will nurture their habits and keep them a secret from their parents. You know, the…

“My child was a very good kid, I don’t know what went wrong” phrase?

But was he? Was she?

The same is with friends, you’ll be open to your friends reaching out to you, but you won’t be able to handle what it is they’ll open up about. 

“There’s food in the kitchen,” is a perfect response to “I’m hungry,”

But “There are many fishes in the sea” is definitely not a response to “I’ve been dumped.”

Most people don’t have the capability or even the knowledge on how to handle emotional problems and mental states. There is more apparent focus on the physical aspect of anything and everything and consequently loss of the power to convince.

The society has so much as rebuked and dismissed emotions and parents would very much like to believe that their kids do not bear them. That as long as they provide, there’s nothing they haven’t done for their kids , they’ve taken you to the best school, bought you good outfits, celebrated all your birthdays, taken you for trips, you’ve never slept hungry … and that’s like exemplary parenting!

Well, okay… Just partly.  

No, I am not trashing parents; we need to understand that back in the day physical aspects were much more valued than mental aspects or any other aspects for that matter. That’s why the elderly were considered wise, but have you ever heard an old person speak and they prove to be very much short of, well, wisdom?

It’s the same reason that brought about the patriarchal paradigm since males are, admittedly, generally stronger than women. And the same reason why we make pathetic friends who only go out with our friends, have good food, play some good sport, have an epic time but don’t work on creating a conducive environment that allows  them to reveal their emotional side and mental thoughts.  

 Probably our parents would convince us better to not dye our hairs and put more effort in school-education-that-given-much-credit-than-is-due if they tried to connect with us and not give directives and conditions and warnings which result in abrasiveness and detachment. Probably our friends wouldn’t be committing suicide because we’d see it coming and prevent it.

In losing our connection with nature, we also lost our connection with each other. We don’t try to find ways that will enable us to emotionally connect with each other, to be good listeners and to say the right things. We are having to ask the wounded man what he feels and not becoming the wounded man.

D_ottie

Author D_ottie

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