The Two-Lined Triangle

****Kanyingi****

A wise man once told me that a guy’s mum will spend twenty years trying to educate her son but it will only take a lady 5 seconds to make him stupid. Whether that is true or not keep your opinion to yourself because this is my story and here there is no democracy!. I am not trying to blame the girl child here for my inadequacies in fact am no blonde, I have something  between  my ears that in most cases usually disagrees with the examiner. From where I am from u don’t flop your exams u just disagree with the examiner like I said here there is no room for democracy.

I can’t claim to be that guy that every girl dreams of… U know that Tall ,dark, handsome prince charming with well developed abs …naaah. I am however not trying to sugar coat ugliness. Hell no! I am not ugly but actually the exact contrast of the so called  ”dream’’. Let’s just say that am ‘slightly tall light skinned and HANDSOME yes those eight letters have not been mistyped I am HANDSOME but not like alehandro chief inspector the legendary fisi NO #ochungulo. (we’re more of mabwana za mabibizao #kuwakunywa). Well beauty lies in the eyes of the beer holder but if still don’t believe me kaa na mama yako…

Enough about me that is not why I am here today. I am here to tell you my story. A story of love cum hatred,of the impossible possibility and daring to go limits the #159 way(lol) .

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Well if you think sending fare halafu msupa akupee ile story ya “my mum just came and….” Is painful then you have never woken up at 6.59am when u had set your alarm for 7.00am well if you are as lazy as me then that pain is realer than real. Angry or not you still have to wake up and face the day. So here I am just fresh off campus and living in a country where the rate of unemployment is at 40% and rising, jobs are hard to find. You might blame my laziness claiming that the early bird catches the worm but no…  that only applies in stories and this, this is real life this ain’t Hollywood.

What really matters now is who you know or whether you have a tall relative? …… By now you already know that I’m jobless and I don’t have any connections in the job market so feel free to dm me your offer if it’s available that is(for real though). You see bad luck is like a habitual drunk that will always come back even when chased away. Odd jobs are hard to come by survival is just hand to mouth,survival for the fittest.

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I threw off the cover that was supposed to act as my blanket, I sat on my bed looked at the watch motherf*****g 6.59am again… smelled my armpits and concluded that I was good to go,  no need  of a shower(Welcome to the life of a bachelor), Put on my shoes and left my shanty not knowing where to go. I bet you’re most probably asking yourself what about breakfast …well this ain’t Hollywood and the only meal that I could afford  was lunch to ease the 420 munchies

I walked through the tiny routes trying to find my way out of the slums that added up to my home. I had given up the search on a white collar job and opted for blue collar ones since they were easier to find. So my degree remained  nothing  but a decoration on the wall. School  fees for a whole four year course just went down the drain(hata heri tungeichukua tuanze tu maparte after parte after parte). Hata pia we ungejua that this is what the other end of the tunnel looked like you would not even have taken a look at the admission letter I know that deep down pia we ungekua tu ni maparte after parte.We go through a lot of shit  so we just wanna party to ease the pain and forget the bad stuff and cherish the moments.

“This life is never fair. Here I am looking for a job as a cleaner in a company where I qualify to be the ICT manager” I said to myself as I walked towards Tomlin company.

“Welcome to Tomlin how may I help you”

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“My name is Davidson am looking for a job just any kind of job I can do anything. I can wash the cars in the parking space, I can clean the toilets, I can clean the floor, I can take care of the lawns…. Just anything madam I will do it” I said almost running out of breath

“Ok Mr. Davidson umesema ni kazi unataka just go through that door then go to the third door on your right you will be assisted there “

“Thank you” kuskia tu hivyo hapo nikajua tu baas nishakafunga

That day seemed like my lucky day I never receive this kind of treatment. Usually I’m thrown out even before I arrive at the reception and that will go on for the better part of the day. That day was a day like no other I had received such great treatment on my fourth attempt so whether or not I got the job I would still be happy and hopeful.

I knocked three times on the mahogany door before I heard a response “come in”

That is when I first saw her, Joey, there she was seated at her desk busy typing God knows what “Have a seat” the words came out of her mouth smoothly. I took a seat and calmly said my rehearsed speech like that one pick up line that you have “My name is Davidson I am looking for a job any kind of job I can do anything. I can wash the cars in the parking space, I can clean the toilets, I can clean the floor, i can take care of the lawns…….. Just anything madam I can do it”

That is when she raised her head and I got to take a good look at her face she wasn’t beautiful in the classical way no, no flowing golden curls or ivory skin; no brown piercing eyes. She was above average but slightly lower than a catwalk model, but in her ordinariness she was stunning. Something radiated from within her that rendered her irresistible whatever it was I was soon bound to know what it was.

“Did you say you can clean the toilets? “

“Yes madam”

“OK just leave your ID here and follow me”

Thank God finally I found a job I found myself celebrating as I followed her down the corridor. As I walked behind her watching her perfectly curvy ass left me thinking about before. She was my perfect definition of beauty. So I thought why not …wadau gangster points za kuchipo huyu slay queen mlisema ni ngapi?

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